he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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