Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
