you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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