I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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