i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
