That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
