You smell like stripper and shame
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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