That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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