you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
