is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
