So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
