Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to make out with him forever
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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