man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
