My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have tasted many bathrooms
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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