I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
