Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
