Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
