It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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