Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
