it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
