Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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