My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
