everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
