Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize