Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
