proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
