The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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