wakey wakey hands off snakey
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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