so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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