That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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