I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
