i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
