I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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