Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize