We're like a lot better than the average bears
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
