Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
