Will you blow on my dice?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
