I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
