im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
