So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
