You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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