Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
