I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
