So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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