hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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