I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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