is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
