I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
