i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
