u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
