The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
