I'm laying in your front yard are you home
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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