Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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