well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
