So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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