you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
