You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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