There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
