After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
