i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
