What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
