I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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