A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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