The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
4 words: hood of his car
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
