I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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