I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
