I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
